Lil Willis has been a part of the NCCG’s counselling team for 21 years.

Lil enjoys gardening and she is known for her love of cooking. Whenever Lil has a spare moment, you will usually find her in the centre’s kitchen baking brownies or cakes for clients and staff to enjoy.

Lil’s connection with the NCCG began when she was studying at the Institute of Counselling and heard a lecture from NCCG co-founder, Mal McKissock OAM. Hearing about how to support young people through their grief and empower them towards living a meaningful life, made Lil realise that she wanted to be a Bereavement Counsellor. “It struck a chord in me.” said Lil.

Lil started volunteering as a Support Worker for the NCCG’s fortnightly Kids Group. This popular NCCG program gives bereaved children the opportunity to meet and learn with other children who have also had a parent die. After a year working in Kids Group, Lil decided to study a three-year course with Mal and his wife, fellow centre co-founder, Di McKissock OAM, to specialise her counselling with grief and bereavement expertise. Since completing this study, Lil has worked as a specialist Children’s Counsellor for the NCCG.

Lil sees clients as young as three and as old as eighteen, but most of her clients are around eight years old. Counselling sessions are spent doing a range of play-based activities to engage with children in a casual and lively way. This includes things like table tennis, foosball, board games, cooking, playing with toys and all sorts of craft – activities which connect with each child’s personal interests. Enjoying activities and playing games, rather than only having direct conversations, can help children build connections and trust with their counsellor and feel more comfortable about expressing their feelings.

Lil always asks her clients what they prefer doing, but she also suggests playing games or doing activities that the child used to do with the loved one who has died. Physically doing things can stimulate memories that don’t always come to mind when talking. Lil remembers being in the kitchen with a young client who used to bake cupcakes with their parent. They were so excited to be baking things again and suddenly remembered how they used to write each other love notes. Touch, smell and taste are wonderful triggers for memories.

Activities like these help children learn how to balance their grief whilst also staying engaged with life. By expressing their grief and then going to play games, children are taught how to dip in and out of their grief, a skill which they will use for their entire lives. “It’s ok to be sad and to cry, but don’t forget to play. Never forget to go out and play.” said Lil.

When clients first come to the centre, Lil has noticed how nervous and shy children often are, carrying the weight of their grief. After a few counselling sessions, Lil can see the joy in her clients as they reconnect with their loved one who has died in a new way and know they will always have them in their heart and memories.

Lil also sees a big change in the caregivers as well. When parents and other carers first arrive at the centre, they are full of their own grief and desperate for their children to be cared for. Coming to the NCCG gives them time to process their own grief, knowing that their child is well cared for. Lil thinks of the NCCG like a bridge – a supportive place that helps families navigate the rocky periods of their grief for as long as needed.

A key part of counselling at the NCCG is to strengthen memories that children have of the person who has died. Lil loves seeing her clients discover memories they had forgotten which helps them remain connected to their loved one.

Lil sometimes shares with her clients that her own father died some years ago and encourages them to ask any questions they like. She says that although they rarely ask much, it creates a connection where they know she understands what they are going through.

Whether they are drawing a picture, cooking or playing with toys, Lil always does the activities with her client. When children come to the NCCG they are not being assessed or monitored, they are being supported by people who they can feel comfortable with, as friends.

Being a bereavement counsellor means you are often face-to-face with tragedy and sometimes very complex situations. Lil says that it wouldn’t be possible to continue doing the work she does without the support of the team at the NCCG. All the counsellors have regular one on one supervision sessions which is an important time for feedback and support. “You need a really good supportive network of people. That’s the key ingredient.” said Lil.

There is also great meaning and joy in the work Lil does. Lil can see when her clients return to the centre full of excitement. She is able to help children learn different ways they can express and manage their grief, tools they can use for their entire lives. But most of all, Lil can see children grow the connection they have with their loved one, a connection they will never lose.